A New Chapter

When you read a book, do you ever get to the end of a chapter with heightened anticipation of starting the next? (or if you don't read- you get that way when a new scene in the movie starts!) When reading a book, a new chapter brings about new ideas, parts of the plot, a different perspective, and so on. With it comes the idea of something fresh in the story line or expansion on a previous thought.

In life, we use this term as we "start again" in life. For example- graduating and going to college; graduating and starting a job; then starting a new job for something relatively close to what you majored in; getting married; some go back and finish college; staring a new career; having kids, etc... Sometimes in life a tragedy or "setback" can bring a time where a new chapter is needed.

I am so grateful for all that God has done in my life. I have seen God's hand throughout and especially over the last three and a half years. When I look at God's grace in my life, I can only simply say...wow-amazing! It seems the last several years have brought about new chapters. Some dark- very dark, and some chapters of transition. A few years ago I worked again for Marriott International and the last 19 months I have had the honor of staying at home with my kids. Being a full-time stay at home parent is without a doubt the hardest "job" I have ever had. The kids constantly. Need. Something! (I must say, I have become quite the innovator when it comes to quick tips for having 3 little girls and all the attention and drama that comes with it! When in doubt- Benadryl and leave them in the stroller, lol!!!!) In January I started a second Masters degree online asking God to open doors and guide my future. I have completed 3 classes and will take more this fall.

God has also been incredibly gracious in allowing several opportunities for Sue and I to serve over the last 3 years at our church www.brainerdbaptist.org. We have been able to teach and serve in the children's ministries, serve in our Sunday school class, and I have been able to play the drums in one of our venues. We love the church and are grateful for the chance to worship and serve the Lord with a great church family!

Its now time for a new chapter. After being approached, and asked to pray about it, I will be starting an interim role to help as the church as a need in the preschool area. I am the Interim Director of Preschool Ministries. Sue and I are both excited about ministering to the children, parents, and workers! It's neat how God uses areas in our life to help prepare us. A lot of those days taking care of the kids wondering if God could or would ever use me again- was clearly preparation. While Sue is clearly understanding of what a parent goes through to prepare kids for school, church, etc...and deal with all constant demand of being a parent- I feel like I do too now. I am praying that God uses that to help me in this new role.

I am ever grateful to God's grace, my precious and amazing wife, my loyal and loving family, and my faithful friends.

I have turned this chapter open with the utmost anticipation!

My favorite part of VBS!

To say that there is one favorite part of VBS is kind of hard to do. It's always amazing to see the kids singing, enjoying each other, and most of all hearing the Word of God taught to them. I have the privilege again this year of helping out with the music and giving the announcements. When I received the music a few months ago, I started listening, and my oldest daughter, Madelyn, listened with me. She loved the music last year, and asked if I was leading the music again this year. When I told her that I was, she begged and persisted in asking if she could help and be up there with me this year. After assembling the team, I asked her if she would like to help out this year. She said enthusiastically," yes, daddy!!!!!" So each night this week as we have been leading the children in worship, it has been humbling and awesome to look over to my right and see my oldest daughter, who is only six years old, up there serving the Lord and singing along with us. Each day and each night as we talk about VBS and we pray, she prays for VBS for all the kids to have fun and learn about God. For me, this year, this is been my favorite part!

Wow- what a smile!

As a dad I love seeing me kids smile. It is a sign that they are happy and in some cases experiencing joy in some form. When I see them smile, I naturally smile as well. Its just a natural reaction This week we have been in Florida on vacation and I have seen my kids smile, so I'd like to share some of these smiles with you with the hope that you will take time to notice your families smiles. It also makes me wonder if the Lord takes delight when He sees us as His children smile.

Intentional Parenting

I have written before about how much I have learned from being a father. Each day I am challenged with lessons of love, discipline, joy, anger, selfishness, and humility. I try my best to cherish each day with my family and decipher these lessons so I can apply them to my life. I trust, if you are a parent, you do the same thing. If you are not a parent, you should still reflect on your days and attempt to grow as a result.

My kids continue to amaze me by how much they know, observe, and grow. I often seem to slip into cruise control as a parent though. By that, I mean, I tend to think that I will deal with all of the important stuff as it comes along. I mean, they are just 5, 3, and 1, how much can they really learn anyway? Eventually, when the time is right, I will teach them what they need to know. Maybe they will just see how I do things and learn it that way. (which is important). They will turn out ok, great even. I will get to it.

You ever have one of those moments? You know, where you get smacked in the face? You realize "things?" Some call it a wake-up call. We see it in sports a lot. The team has been coasting and now they are losing. They realize it, get their game faces on, man up and start taking their assignments and responsibilities seriously. They pull it out and win the game. The result is good, but their effort was poor for the majority of the game. Well, who cares as long as the result is a win? The coach does. He has to consider the efforts for future performances and game trials.

It is the same way with our walk, responsibilities, parenting, and marriages. We can not be satisfied with just barely squeaking out a win. We need to be intentional in our families lives. We have an enemy, the devil, who is aiming for our family units. Trust me, I know.

I had another one of "those moments" last night. Madelyn, our oldest daughter, is in k5 at Brainerd Baptist School. (and we love the school...here is the website www.brainerdbaptistschool.org, you should check it out. shameless plug I know. Oh, if you send your kid there, tell them I referred ya, it will help my tuition :) ) We are completely sold-out on the philosophy and ministry of the school. The staff and the teachers see it as a ministry. Each week, Madelyn has homework. In k5. Yep, you heard me. Anyway, since I cannot change this, we choose to embrace this.

Last week, Madelyn comes home and says she has to memorize Psalm 100 for chapel in a few weeks. I blew it off and was going to talk to her teacher to see what this was about. When I asked, it was confirmed. They are memorizing Psalm 100. Kinda cute I thought. I'm sure they won't get it, but it will be adorable anyway.

As I read our weekly note home, I saw the reminder about Psalm 100. As I opened her homework folder (yeah, again, homework...in k5...) there was a page with Psalm 100 printed out. I set it to the side as we did her other two sheets of homework. I thought, well, I will read over it with her later tonight.

Little did I know that they were working on it everyday in their class. I should have known, but this was one of those cruise control moments. I mean, come on, is a five year old really gonna memorize five consecutive verses? Its cool to memorize a partial verse or two for Awana or Sunday school, but there is no way she can memorize a five verse chapter word for word, right? When she is older we will do that, and she will be just fine.

It was bedtime last night and I was helping Casey get her pajamas on. Sue was helping Madelyn with her verses. I though to myself, how cute. Maybe she will get a little bit of it. Madelyn comes into the room, "Daddy, do you wanna hear my verses of Psalm 100?" I responded, "Sure sweety, let me see the sheet, and we will read it together." She quickly said, "No daddy, you hold the sheet, and I'll stand over here and say it." Ok, I thought, this will be fun, I will help her with all the words. Then I got slapped in the face. My wake up call...

Madelyn then says, " Psalm 100. Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth! Serve (she opens and extends her hands) the Lord with gladness! Come into His presence with singing! Know that The Lord, He is God. It is He who made us, Not we ourselves (she pats her chest.) and we are His, we are his people, and the sheep of His pasture. Enter (she motions with her hands as an invitation) His gates with thanksgiving, and enter His courts with praise! Give thanks to Him and bless His name.....I still need to learn verse 5 daddy. How did I do, daddy?" .....yeah, I was speechless too. Incredible! I had tears rolling down my face. So simple. My five year old daughter is one verse away from memorizing a chapter of God's holy Word. Better than me....

While I am so grateful for a school that is emphasizing this, it was a serious wake-up call to me. What am I valuing at home, and what do they see that I value? I guarantee that I will be helping her with the last verse.

There is no time for us to be cruise control parents. They are learning from every source possible. Question is, will we be intentional about what they learn and the culture and value system they inherit? I know I will.

As parents, lets raise the bar and invest and instill into our kids! Even though they are young, we have to teach them. Then, when they encounter "those moments and issues" later in life, maybe they'll be prepared to tackle it, rather than having to learn it at that point.

Lets be parents that drive, not just coast on cruise. And, let's be followers of Christ that drive.

As I walk forward...

It is amazing what time can do for healing. It doesn't hurt to have The Creator of the world and The Judge of mankind declare you forgiven either! The journey over the last 2 years and 9 months has been rewarding, tough, but good. I have learned, re-learned, and am learning so much about God, grace, forgiveness, shame, guilt, being loved, and being an heir with God. To say there have been ups and downs would be an understatement, however, I am thankful for Sue, my family, and several friends who have embraced and walked with me in this. I face each day with the thought of wishing I could change the past, a realization that I cannot, and a determination to walk forward and serve God and Sue. Am I perfect in this? No. Somedays I am stuck in a horrible rut of guilt and shame. This serves no purpose but to deter me from my relationship with God and Sue. As a result, I am going to continue to walk forward with a determination and zeal to allow God to live in and through me to accomplish His purpose for His kingdom and my marriage.

Along with this, daily I am crippled with the thought of missing ministry. I loved my education in Bible college and Seminary. I cherish the three churches that I have had the pleasure to serve on staff with. Somedays though, I can not think straight because I miss it so much. I miss ministering to people, studying, teaching, and pushing people to be disciples of Christ. However, Satan has lied to me. I have lied to myself. I have come to believe that I can't minister or encourage people because I am not on staff somewhere, or receiving a paycheck for it. Huh? That is a lie and completely unbiblical. As I was talking to Sue about this again this past weekend, she pointed out the fact that I have had chances to serve at our church with playing drums, VBS, playing drums, Awana, playing drums, writing curriculum, playing drums, teaching Sunday school on a few occasions, playing drums, being a small group leader with Sue, and last but not least, playing drums. (ok, Sue didn't emphasize playing the drums that much.) Wow, as we talked about it, I realized that God is using me and it is awesome. I am so thankful to God for His grace and mercy.

I am reminded of when Peter was confronted by Jesus after His resurrection. Jesus asked Peter if he loved Him. You know the story, He asked this question to Peter three times. On the last occasion, Peter finally gave in. He confessed his total love and affection for the Lord. The Lord told him to then feed His sheep. I feel like over the last two plus years that I have been in the same boat as Peter. I failed, but I totally love Him. I am also resolved that He loves me and wants to use me to help and minister to people. What that looks like, I don't know. Will I be on a church staff one day again? I don't know. I would love it, but I want God to use me now. I am giving Him my all.

As I prayed through this this week, I know God is wanting me to study and write again. I was planning on writing and saving them for the day that I could use them to teach. I brought this before my discipleship group last night, and one person suggested that as I study and write, to post on here for people to read. He said that if God gave me something, it may encourage people. I told Sue about it today, and, as always, was completely supportive and excited. She is still my biggest fan. So, as I study and write, I will be posting on here. I hope you are encouraged, challenged, and motivated to be a better disciple of our sweet and precious Savior. If you don't like it and I get put in one of your lists on the new Facebook that you don't read, your "trash" circle on google+, or you ignore my tweets, that's ok. I will cope.

To my family and friends who walked with me and who have not given up on me, thank you. Thank you. Thank you (still seems inadequate). I love you.

Day 6- Why did I take them to the beach?

I took the girls to the beach yesterday.

I hate the beach. Hate. The. Beach. Don't get me wrong, I love the sun and being outside, however, I hate salt water, sand everywhere, and no shade. I hate being hot and sweaty with no reprieve. I hate that the sand gets a thousand degrees. I hate when the wind blows your hat off. I hate 70 year old men wearing, well, I'll spare you. Its just isn't right. I hate when my feet get wet and sand sticks to me. I hate sand in the car and in the car seats. I hate making 40 trips to the water with 4 buckets to get water for the sand castle/tossed sand salad. I hate carrying all the bags, coolers, chairs, and whatever else is needed for our sand fest. I hate taking 47 minutes to put sunscreen all over squirmy kids.

I like pictures of the beach. I like walking on the side walk/boardwalk next to the beach. I like a hotel room that opens up to the beach. I am even ok with a quick, very quick, stroll on the beach during the sunset with Sue. But I hate being on the beach.

My kids love the beach. Love. The. Beach. They love to run on it, lay on it, sit on it, build on it, and bury me on it. They love to throw sand, scoop sand, eat chips with sand on their hand. They also will not let one chip go to waste. If that chip falls on the sand, there is a 30 second rule, unless I am quick enough to stop it.They love to put sand in the beach bag and in the cooler. They love to put sand on the beach towel and stand on the beach chair and get sand all over it. And why would it be necessary to wipe your hands before grabbing the top of the water bottle? I mean, why not have some sand with that refreshing Aquafina? They think its fun to throw sand on me. They think its fun to pour all four buckets of water on the attempted sand castle before I tell them to pour. Casey even thinks that it is fun to pour water on her face. Yay!

I said all of that because yesterday, Sue started her conference and I was trying to figure out something to do with the kids. Then I had to do it. I opened my enormous mouth. "Girls, you wanna go to the beach?" I couldn't stop myself. It was like seeing something happening that you just cant stop. Even in the course of the sentence I had a discussion with my self in my head.

(disclaimer, I do not have multiple personalities regardless of what Sue says)

Me: what are you thinking?

Other me: think of the girls pretty smile as they laugh and play.

Me: you know it's really hot outside and it will be crowded, right?

Other me: Think of the fun playing with them.

Me: You know there's sand there, right? Like a lot of sand. You hate sand. Read the paragraph above.

Other me: yeah, I know, I was there when you wrote it, but, you get to do something with your kids today. There are people all over the world who would kill for a few minutes with their kids or loved ones. God has given you the opportunity to be with your kids everyday. Cherish it. Today you can take them and play with them, and dream with them, and imagine with them, carry them when they are tired of walking in the sand, wipe their hands and faces as they get sand all over them. You can make memories today, and no matter what ever happens, no one can take those memories away from you.

Me: you're right, lets go to the beach!

I took the girls to the beach yesterday. There is a beach in my car right now, but the girls loved it. I loved it. We even talked about God making it. Madelyn even posed the question, "Daddy, you think God ever comes down and walks on the beach?" I responded, "Honey, He was right there with us today."

I took the girls t the beach yesterday.

I think Sue wants to go tonight with the girls...lucky me!

Day 5- A history lesson in Tampa

Today we traveled from Orlando to Tampa. Before we left this morning we had to visit downtown disney. We also found a great gluten-free friendly place eat. Sue has her conference for the next few days while I play at the pool and the beach with the girls. Today after arriving here at the Doubletree hotel in Tampa, we went to the pool until our room was clean. Then we went out to dinner with Dr. Winters (one of Sue's partners at the office)and his wife. He grew up here in Tampa and wanted to take us to this authentic Cuban restaurant, so we went to The Columbian in Ybor city, a little village in Tampa. Here is a link to their website, www.columbiarestaurant.com. It was incredible. built in 1905 and with obvious Cuban Influence, it was beautiful. During dinner a show broke out that involved traditional dances from Cuba. It reminded me of something you would see in a movie, or something from Cuba (pun intended). It was cool. Madelyn and Casey loved it!

After dinner we drove around and heard stories of how Dr. Winters grew up. We also heard the story about how the hospital here in Tampa was the first hospital to amputate the wrong leg one a patient, prompting the common practice today of righting NO on the lego.

Anyhow, not a bad day today. Again, it is a blessing everyday that I get to be with Sue and the girls.

Day 4- Lazy!

You ever go on vacation and are so busy you just want a day to do nothing? Well, that was our day. We got up and made breakfast here in the condo and then ventured out for a walk to see the grounds of the resort. It is a very nice place with 5 outdoor pools that include 2 lazy rivers, a few slides, and a couple child areas. There is also a playground, a miniature golf course, a beach volleyball pit, shuffleboard, private cabanas, and a few picnic areas to grill. There are 8 hotel towers that circle a huge pond. It was funny to see all of the pushy time-share sales representatives giving tours and being so delightful. Funny thing is, once they looked at us, it was as if they knew we ditched our tour and have zero interest in buying anything. You would think we caused the stock market to crash and stole their cheese too. Anyhow, it is a beautiful resort.

Not much to report today though. We went to the pool around 10 and stayed there until 3:30. Sue and emma Kate were back and forth from the room a few times to feed. There was another parent who did not care to go back to her room to breast feed her baby. Yup, right there in the kiddy area. Um, can I get you a blanket or anything? We went back to the room and ordered pizza for dinner. We searched for some gluten-free places but we did not really see anything. Thanks to some twitter and facebook friends, we found a place! After dinner we went back to the pool and had the entire kid area to ourself! Now the kids are in bed and we will start to pack a little. Tomorrow we head to Tampa for 4 days.

It has been great to get away and be with the family. Tonight as I was putting Madelyn to bed I asked her what has been her favorite part of the trip so far. She said she loved the pool and the Magic kingdom, and being with her family. She said she did not love the magic kingdom, or the pool, or anything more than God. "I love God the most and more than anything," were her exact words. I'm speechless. Madelyn started talking to Sue tonight about asking Jesus to take away her sins, but that she wanted to wait because she is afraid to go under water. How precious! I'm so grateful for the time with my 4 girls!

Day 3 of vacation...The Real Magic Kingdom, Please stand up, please stand up...

I woke to the smell of coffee and Emma Kate cooing next to me on the bed. Sounds of laughter and giggling coming from the living room. Madelyn and Casey were eating cereal and watching cartoons. I looked at the clock and knew we needed to get going if we were going to get to Disney early. Long story short...after a two trips to the Disney ticket counter here at the resort, a phone call to cancel my lost credit card, then finding the credit card while on the phone with my bank, and finally catching the bus and the ferry, we arrived at the magic kingdom. Sue and I were so excited to surprise the girls. I think we were expecting a 9 yr old girl reaction to Justin Beiber, however, we got a different reaction. Madelyn was immediately scared of the fired works which wouldn't go off until late that night, and Casey wanted to go back and go to the lazy river. After a few short minutes, and some detailed explanation of the day by Sue, the girls were excited.

We started off riding the Tea cups and Dumbo. We then met up with our friends Ryan and Martha, and their two sons. We had a blast on It's a small world after all. We watched the parade, had dinner with Tigger & Pooh and friends, waited in line to see the princesses, rode the magic carpets and then came back to the resort. There were long lines, lots of walking, and lots of smiles. The girls loved it! It was amazing to be with Sue and the girls today. Nothing in the world is better. Now that the girls being in bed, and the late night pizza has been delivered, it feels like a regular night...Sue and I together hanging out. Sue is cuddled up in a blanket, asleep of course. The world is right and I am a happy man! Happier than ever! God is too good to me.

I think they wrongly named it The Magic Kingdom. I mean, is it really that magical to have people run into you, cut you off, not watch where they are going, and run into the stroller? Would it be that magical for a 5 foot 8 inch orange (its not really red) haired man go nuts on someone for not watching where they walked? I didn't, but it was real, real close! I am not a believer in magic, but I think the real Magic Kingdom is the one where people who enter are the ones who accept the free sacrifice and payments by Jesus for our sins. We do not deserve entrance, yet we receive it at no cast to us. The payment was paid by Jesus on the cross! As believers in Jesus, we belong to the Kingdom of God and will one day be in the heavenly city for all of eternity. That is when our real dreams will come true. To be able to spend eternity in heaven is an amazing thought! If we get so excited about going to a man made place, even with all of it's beauty, why do we not get excited about heaven, the real Magic Kingdom?

I do not intend for any of this post to discredit how much fun Disney is, or even how much fun we had today, simply to compare. It was priceless to see the smile on my girls faces as they met the princesses, or rode up and down on dumbo, or spun around really fast (see flip video tomorrow). My girls are worth it, and so are you and I! That is why Jesus died, to offer you and I abundant and eternal life!

Vacation March 2011-Day 2

The day started off painful. I ended up sleeping on the hotel's pullout sofa bed. My back still feels like a pretzel. The day seemed to worsen as I left to go get starbuck's, and I stood and waited for the elevator. And waited. And waited. And waited. I was furious! Come on! I was thinking of other people holding the doors open on another floor for their elderly Grandfather or a wandering child. Do these people not know I desperately need to get some caffeine before I snap? Oh, wait...I forgot to push the button. Nice. And guess what? The elevator was on my floor. Hilarious. As I made the coffee run, I stopped by McDonalds to get some breakfast for us. The ladyworking the drive through had a graphic hoodie on that said, "Welcome to sonic..America's drive thru." Seriously?

It was nice to see Sherah for the night and morning...but on we must go. More traveling! As we left for Orlando the trip was only 162 miles from where we stayed. It took a lot longer than I thought. As we left, it was like a magnetic force that kept pulling on me. We inched along, and as we did, the pull got stronger, and stronger. We went for miles and it felt like the magnetic pull in the middle of the island. Watch Lost for explanation. Then I saw it.. the force that was so powerful....The University of Florida...next exit. I looked at Sue, who was on the phone, with the eyes of a kid in need of a new leg just to walk. She smiled and condoned. We pulled off the exit and slowly approached Ben Hill Griffin Stadium. Otherwise known as the swamp. It was really cool. We were able to walk right in and go right down to field level. There was a gate open to the field and I was tempted to go onto the field, but didn't. I mean, legends such as Emmitt Smith and Tim Tebow warred and battled on that field. Anyway...enough of the drawn out stuff...we stopped and saw the Swamp. I attached a few pics. Pretty cool.

We checked in today at the Bonnet Creek resort by Wyndham. Awesome place. Our condo has two bedrooms and two baths, living room, dining room, and full kitchen. We went to the pool and the lazy river this afternoon, and the girls loved it. Emma Kate just kinda looked around wondering what all the fuss was about. I couldn't pull Madelyn and Casey out of the water, but Sue and I were like Chris Farley in that SNL skit where they are in the diner and he says, "leave me alone, I'm starving." So we went to eat at a cool little Italian Place. The staff thought we had the cutest and most beautiful girls, which we do. They even came and took pictures. I thought to myself, "Wow, this is a great staff." Eh, as we were leaving and in the parking lot, the lady who took the pics came running out and wanting to sell me packages of the pictures. One was really cute, so Sue gave me the eyes like I gave her earlier today. So we are the proud owners of a framed 5x7, 2 wallets, and a souvenir key chain of Casey grabbing two handfuls of her pasta and smiling.

After a short trip to Publix, and a visit from security because we called in a noise complaint, the girls are fast asleep with no clue that tomorrow we are taking them to the magic kingdom. Not to be out done by Mickey, Sue read the first three chapters of the book of Esther to the girls before bed time. It was sweet. I cant wait until tomorrow night as we explain to them how God brought Esther to the kingdom for a very specific reason, and that God's kingdom is way more awesome than the magic one.

Spring Vacation 2011

We left for Florida today for a week of vacation and are really excited to get away and spend some isolated time with the girls. We left this morning at 8 AM and, true to form, we stopped twice before Atlanta. Breakfast and the potty are extremely important, right? The girls have no idea that we are going to spend a day or two at Disney world, and are sure to be urprised when we get there. The trip was long and the girls were sooooooooooo loud in the car, and since I can handle stress so well....

We have 4 total surprises for the girls, 2 we gave them today. We stopped in Macon, Ga to see our friend and the girls former babysitter, Amy! The girls had a blast and we were able to catch up. Tonight, Aunt Sherah drove over from Pensacola to spend the evening with us. Although her and Sue ditched us after dinner and went shopping.....

We are staying in Lake City, Fl tonight and are leaving for Orlando tomorrow morning. We will be there for 3 nights, then go to Tampa for 4 nights. Sue has a conference to attend, and I will be hanging with the girls. I'm thinking we will head for Clearwater Beach! Sue informed me today that as a part of her conference, there is a chance we could throw out the first pitch at a Yankees pre-season game as a part of a fund-raiser. We have no clue what the required fund is, but if I have the opportunity, I will represent the Orioles and give Jeter & Arod some chin music!

Sue has been working hard and so much, we are really looking forward to just getting away and relaxing. We are enjoying time with Sherah right now. What a great reminder that family is the most important thing, whether on vacation or not. Madelyn has taken time to thank us for "the best vacation ever" throughout the day. It makes me laugh because she says it at everything. For example, we went through McDonalds drive through and bought her eggs and bacon. She replied, "Daddy, I love you, this is the best vacation ever." I laughed but also cherished her pure and sincere little heart. I thought to myself, Madelyn, just wait until we get on the ferry to go to the magic kingdom.

Well, for those interested, I will be blogging a little throughout our vacation, as well as tweeting.

Stay at home dad

My last day of work at the Hotel was December 30th. It was nice to clock out and leave work behind. Now, at my new job, I cant seem to find the time clock and am unable to clock out! As you may or may not know, I am now a stay at home dad. My position at the hotel was scheduled to be eliminated in March, and with the cost of daycare and having to put Emma, our 4 month old in daycare, it made more sense for us for me to stay at home. More importantly, we really felt led by God for me to stay at home. To sum up how I feel about it, well, I absolutely love it! I get to be with my kids everyday and am able to accomplish things around the house. I am able to serve at our church a little more too.

God has been more than gracious to me, and He really does heal and repair lives. I am a huge believer in restoration. Restoration is hard and some people shy away from it. It has been, and will continue to be, a long, hard, yet rewarding journey. I have come to realize that if I cant disciple and serve my wife and kids, how can I ever be entrusted to do it again outside my family. I pray that God uses me to love, serve and disciple Sue and the girls.

Being at home has opened my eyes to a few things that are quite humorous:

1. The kids CONSTANTLY need something!

2. The baby will poop/barf right when you are trying to get out the door.

3. The kids can reach the threshold of pain decibel level in a matter of 1.6 seconds.

4. Just when you think you have a quiet moment.....

5. 2 year olds are amazing climbers, nay, fearless climbers.

6. Screaming at your kids, "hold on, I"M TRYING TO DO MY QUIET TIME," is counter-productive.

7. A 4 month old's head control is deceptive....it's not quite fully developed yet...

8. Why do I even get the paint out....?

9. My discipleship group loves making jokes that I should join a "moms support group."

10. Being the only dad to drop your kid off at parents day out welcomes all kinds of stares, and comments.

11. NIck Jr. has an awesome daily line up of tv shows. (so does the dvr).

12. Madelyn trying to do p90x with me makes me laugh and fall on my face while trying to do a push up.

13. My mother in law doesn't think I am serious about dropping them off every Friday so I can go play golf.

14. My father in law has become my go to, "help, I need (____________)."

15. I am a pushover...who doesn't love chips and cookies all day?

While it is humorous, it is also rewarding. I hear people say all the time they wish they could go back and have more time with their kids while they were young, well, I am trying to take full advantage of the time I have with them. I pray everyday that I can model a Christ and take time to talk to the girls about the Lord. Mostly, I pray that they see it in my life that they want to emulate it.

I know how I feel as a Father being with my kids all day, and I see them being more affectionate to me, that I can only imagine how God the Father must feel when we spend time with Him, and how we can become more affectionate to Him!

Pumpkin Patch Mountain

Yesterday was weird. I left at 2 in the afternoon to drive to Bakersville, NC to attend the viewing and funeral of my Uncle, Oscar Carl Webb Jr. Everyone called him Jr. I passed through the big towns of Unicoi, Bulladean, Loafers Glory, Red Hill, and Toecane. I arrived at 6:30, saw the family, sat through the funeral and left at 9:30 and pulled back in my driveway at 1:21 am. I used to visit my Aunt Naomi and Uncle Jr occasionally as a kid. As I arrived into town though, it was dark so what I could have recognized I couldn't even see. I have fond memories of their house and the surrounding area.

Jr was married to my moms sister. Funny part is, my dad dated Naomi before he broke up with her because her younger sister (my mom) was prettier. We weren't real close, but my mom and dad were very close to them. I remember my Uncle Jr telling me one time that for fun, he, Naomi, and my mom and dad, would dress up as railroad hobo's and go to families houses and beg for food and sit in their house until the family recognized them. That was a big night out for them! As I sat in the service and listened to some family and the Pastor say things about my Uncle, I was struck that He was exactly the kind of man I want to be. He loved God. He was always faithful to the Lord and to his church. He loved my Aunt and all of the family. He was fun and the family celebrated his life last night. Life is short and I want my life to be celebrated when it is all said and done. I have failed, stumbled, but the great hand of God has helped me and lifted me up and set my feet on a rock.

As I drove home, I remembered one time when I was around 7 years old, Jr asked me if I liked pumpkins. I said yeah, of course. He put me in his truck and drove me up Pumpkin Patch Mountain there in Red Hill, NC. There was an old shack up there and we went and sat on the porch and looked around at hundreds of pumpkins. He then turned my attention a little higher to the breath-taking view of the Blue Ridge mountains. It was beautiful. I remember my Uncle Jr saying, "Isn't it something to know the One who made that?" Well Uncle Jr, you are now with Him. We miss you, but we long for the day that we will all be together again.

Turn Ahead

I love when the Lord shows me something fresh in the Word. I am studying 1 Thessalonians right now, and I came across a part in v.9 that says, "...and how you turned to God from idols to serve the living and true God." I remember hearing a message in which this was referenced. I was struck with the truth.

I think too often we get repentance wrong. Have you ever struggled with something and could not figure out how to quit running to it? I know I have, and if you are honest with yourself, you probably have too. The struggle is consuming and frustrating. At the end of the day you feel like a failure and a horrible Christian. The wording in this verse is incredible because I think we get the equation wrong. We identify the "problem" or "thing" and we just "try really hard" to not go back to it. We label it and set boundaries, both of which are good and sometimes even necessary. We attempt to just turn "from" it rather than just turning "to something. The verse says "how you turned to God from idols." I am not suggesting that all issues will be solved, however when we turn to something, it is much easier to leave or forget the previous. I remember when I purchased my PS3. It was very easy to let go of the PS. The few times we have bought a new vehicle, we like to drive it rather than the old one.

As we walk our faith we will encounter resistance and traps from the enemy. Take heart, He has overcome them. Turning to Him is much better than trying on our own power.

I love the Words in the hymn penned by Helen H. Lemmel, " Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full on His wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace."

Potato Chips

I am continually amazed at the lessons God reminds me of through my children. James 1:17 says, "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." I know we have heard all of our lives that everything is from God, but let's be honest, we don't always have that mindset. At least I don't. This last week a few things happened that made me realize that God enjoys giving gifts! (I'm really tempted to quote the cheerful giver verse right here). It's not just that God is obligated to give us things because He is God, rather it's part of His nature to give. See John 3:16. He loves giving to us.

This past week was Madelyn's birthday and we loaded her with gifts, but that's not when I was struck with my glimpse into God's heart. On Tuesday, Sue was working late and I was in charge of dinner. Sandwhiches and chips! As we were eating, Madelyn ate all her chips first, of course. (So did I). Then Madelyn asked for more chips, and I told her I would get her some. She said "No Daddy, I want to share yours." At that moment it struck me that our Father has it all and we are just sharing it. It was with the utmost pleasure that I set her in my lap and shared my chips with her.

God owns all the potato chips in the world and has pleasure in sharing them with His children. The best place for us is in His lap enjoying what He has for us!

An Extremely Important Meeting

I came home one day this week on my lunch break to see the girls. They love when I come home which only fuels my ego, unfortunately. Madelyn was begging me to stay and play with her. I desperately wanted to, however, I had a meeting at work with my boss and I would be home late. Madelyn suggested that her and I have a "very important meeting" tonight, just the two of us. Mommy and Casey "were not invited." I asked Madelyn, "what will we do at the meeting?" After careful deliberation, Madelyn announces that we will "play the Big Bad Wolf, eat ice cream and potato chips." Sounded good to me!

I arrived home and we had dinner, bathed the girls, read stories, and finally laid Casey down for "night-night." Sue asked Madelyn if she was ready for bed. Madelyn responded with a convincing no, comes over to where I was sitting, crawls up in my lap and whispers in my ear, "Daddy, it's time for our meeting." She hadn't forgotten. So, we made our way to her bedroom and we took turns huffing and puffing, and blowing each other's houses down. We laughed and had an awesome time. She ran to me to hug me and said, "daddy, I love you so much."

I thought it was time for bed now. How quickly was I reminded that meeting was only half over. It was now time for ice cream and potato chips. I retrieved our snack and we cuddled in the chair to watch Olivia and devour our delightful cuisine. I asked Madelyn how the meeting went. She gazed back up and simply stated, "perfect, dad."

I reflected as we sat there a few more minutes. We can get so caught up in life that we forget all the important things. I can't wait until our next meeting! It was so easy to take thirty minutes and totally make her day. Or, did she make mine?

My hand in His

Our Christmas break this year has been great. Sue and I both have ten days off! We had a beautiful Christmas eve dinner and time of opening presents at Nana & Papa's (Sue's mom and dad's). Madelyn joyfully opened up her annual gift from Papa; a tub of cheese balls which the whole family enjoys! Later that night after Madelyn and Casey were asleep I had the luxury of assembling "The Doll House" that Santa was bringing Madelyn. If I ever meet the real Santa, I am gonna ask him why he can't put the presents together too. Bum.

Casey rose early on Christmas morning and Sue and I played with her until Madelyn woke up. They loved all the gifts! The living room looked like the wrapping paper aisle blew up. Toy and game parts were flying as boxes were being opened. I couldn't help but sit back and cherish every second of it. How things change in a year! God has been so good to me and the family. I sat there and shuttered at the thought that I almost lost all of it. However, I didn't by the grace of God!

Saturday after Christmas day we traveled to West Virginia to see Sue's family. Grandma Casey had her 85th birthday party on Saturday and Sue's Uncle has cancer. It was a great time to be with all the family. We were even able to squeeze in "The Squeakal." Madelyn loved it and loved sitting with her little cousin Savannah.

On Sunday afternoon was probably one of the sweetest times I have had with Casey. She was so tired! She was like a little pinball running and slamming into things and people. As she was walking she would just give up and dive on the floor and take a 20 second retreat and then go back at it. I scooped her up and took her to the bedroom at laid down with her. It took a minute to get the bucking bronco to settle down for her nap. As she started to relax, she slid her hand in mine and gazed up at me with her gorgeous eyes. She looked at me with complete comfort and trust. She put her fingers between mine and laid her head on my shoulder as we turned on the pillow and she fell asleep. I tried to pull my hand away and as I did she tightened her grip. She was most secure. It made me think, do I grab my Father's hand and rest solely on Him? Do I gaze at Him or am I easily distracted? Do I rest in Him or do I remain in turmoil and worry?

It is way better when we grab His hand, gaze at Him, and lay our complete trust and security in Him.

What a day!!

Madelyn had her tonsils taken out this morning. They were HUGE! Sue and I were nervous because last October Madelyn had tubes put in her ears and her adenoids removed. She had a difficult time as she woke up from the anesthetic becoming extremely disoriented and hysterical. It was heart breaking. We were anxious to say the least.

The morning started early as I woke up at 4:45, fifteen minutes before the alarm was set. As I got ready I was praying that God would allow Madelyn to do well this time. Sue and I got her up and collected all the things we anticipated needing. With the amount of stuff we took, one might have mistaken it for a three day getaway. Instead, it was a six hour whirlwind trip to the hospital. As we arrived to register, Madelyn made full use of the play area. She took over and was LOUD!!! There was another child there who stared at Madelyn cautiously and chose to stay in the comfort of his moms arms. Our name was called and we went back to the holding room. The tech then entered and needed some blood from Madelyn. She did fine, but I about lost it. Let's just say I hate needles.

The best part was when they gave Madelyn what I call, "the goofy juice." The medicine to take them through the wardrobe into another land. Madelyn burst through that door into the land of loopy very quickly. I tried to help her walk to the sink and it felt as though she was more drunk than the bozo in the cheap seats at (insert your team stadium cheap seat section). We then took Madelyn to the pre-op room where she completely lost control of her head. She laughed a lot and told us that Boots the monkey, Dora's sidekick, was tickling her. Next thing we know, we were answering the same set of questions for the fifth time. Next time I am gonna print out all of the important information and hand it out. She last ate at 7:45 last night. No she hasn't had anything to drink this morning, and yes, she is allergic to penicillin. They took Madelyn off and Sue and I went back to our room, looked at each other, embraced and prayed for our little angel.

I know it's just a tonsillectomy, but there is always that little feeling in your gut when it's your kid.

Now the moment we had been needing. STARBUCKS!!!! I ran down to the elevator and eagerly anticipated the white mocha with hazelnut. I was quickly captured by the Chic-fil-a express. I made it back to the room, set up my OCD perfect environment for devouring my food, and the phone rang. For a second, as I answered the phone and the voice on the other end declared, "this is Dr. Barnes," I was scared. Did something go wrong? Is she ok? Did they mistake her for the right leg amputation procedure? "Yes," I replied. "I am done, Madelyn did great. She will be heading to recovery soon," Dr. Barnes announced. What a relief. Dr. Barnes later told us that the tonsils were each bigger than a quarter, were touching in the back of her throat, and that it made him wonder how she could eat, sleep, or even breathe. (See picture on my twitter link)

Madelyn recovered well and regained her rare form screaming for and demanding a popsicle, then another one. And then another. She made it home and quickly found herself in time-out twice in thirty minutes. That's my girl.

I was reminded again today of The Father's love and concern for His kids. He loves me, O how He loves me.

Thank you for all who prayed today. All the prayers and comments mean a lot to Sue and me.

Messes can be cleaned up. Thankfully!

I love all the toys we have and games we play with Madelyn and Casey. Madelyn's imagination is fascinating. One minute we can be rescuing animals, the next having tea with the queen, and finally making blueberry soup on a rainy afternoon. (We haven't quite perfected the recipe yet but we are diligently working on it.) Casey on the other hand is content with a soggy piece of bread but seems to prefer electronics. She especially loves all my gadgets like the computer, my cell phone, and the remote.

My girls continue to be the best educator in my life. One day last week Madelyn and I were playing in her room. We were working in the flower garden to be more specific. I had a drink in the room with me that I put on her dresser. I failed to realize that I put it right next to the "seeds" we would eventually need. As Madelyn went charging after the seeds she knocked the glass over and my drink spilled all over the dresser, her, and the carpet. She panicked, jumped back, and full of fear she said, "Daddy, I am so sorry. I'm so sorry Daddy, please don't be mad." She got me! As soon as we locked eyes and I heard her sweet, pitiful, and sorry words, I was moved with compassion as I realized the angst she was living, and I said, "Sweetheart, messes can easily be cleaned up. It was just an accident. I love you, Daddy isn't mad at you. Let me clean this up and we can keep playing." Immediately my heart was pricked and I started crying as I imagined how our Heavenly Father feels when we realize what we have done and we cry out to Him.

It really is something to think how we can run so far from God or destroy our lives, or other people's lives for that matter, and with one cry to our amazing God, He cleans up that mess instantly. While there are consequences and effects of our decisions and sin, God will and does cleanse and restore. I promise. I am living proof. This morning on the tenth floor of a hotel in midtown Atlanta while Sue was on the computer, the girls watching Mickey Mouse clubhouse, and me reading my Bible, Sue's sweet voice stopped my world as she said, "Mark, I love you." We had that look and the conversation without words and we knew that although we have been through so much that we are in the Master's hands. Then Casey dumped her little crackers on the floor and crushed them in the carpet. Time to clean up another mess. Good thing the Lord is always there to keep cleaning up ours...

Lessons from my girls...and Ice Cream

My girls teach me so much about my relationship with my Father in Heaven. It seems like the knowledge I stored in my head about Him is attacking my heart,  and the main arsenal is my family. Starting with Sue- how much more awesome can you get? She loves me unconditionally Wow, what else can I say? Then Madelyn, who one minute loves me, then mommy, then James, next her baby, her playground, her rabbit, and ice cream. Lastly, Casey, who goes crazy in her bouncy seat- pogo style when I come home. When I walk through the room she whips her head around and follows me with those deep gorgeous eyes. It's really funny when this happens while Sue is trying to feed her.

The other day was a special day as I went through another course in grace and instruction. I came home from work and Casey was on the floor and started lunging towards me causing her to fall flat on her face since she is still learning  to crawl. Madelyn jumped out from behind the chair yelling, "surprise." She loves to do this when anyone enters the house. She came running towards me jabbering about the days events which I am still trying to decode. Casey reached for me drooling, wanting me to pick her up. It was pretty special to see my kids loving me and desiring to be with me, simply because I am their father. I wonder how God feels when we run with excitement into His presence? I know I was completely overwhelmed.

 

Madelyn then came to me with the football and said that she wanted to go to the backyard and throw the football. I was pumped! We yelled "Go Gators" and "TEBOW" all the way to the backyard. All that came to an abrupt stop and I found myself twirling and chanting with her, "SWIPER NO SWIPING, SWIPER NO SWIPING, SWIPER NO SWIPIIIIIIIIIING!!!!!" My dreams of fathering the female Tebow came to a crashing halt. 

 

Later in the evening Madelyn and I were craving ice cream. I am pretty sure it was more Madelyn?!?!? So we loaded up to go to Baskin Robins. Madelyn was so appreciative, sweet, and loving. We walked in and Madelyn blurted out angelically to the attendant who was with another customer, "I WANT A STRAWBERRY ICE CREAM CONE!!!!" She stole the show and knew she was adored by everyone in the store. We ate and "talked" and laughed. She stopped licking her heaven on a cone, grabbed my hand  and said,  "thank you daddy, I love you." It was so sweet. We gobbled up both delicious cones. Then, something strange happened. As the special strawberry treat disappeared, so did my angelic daughter. She wanted more ice cream right now! She was now screaming, "I want chocolate." I was amazed. I told her we needed to leave. Suddenly, she did not "love" me anymore. I was the evil one himself. Right then, I realized, our relationship with the Lord is usually ok if He is pacifying us with life "treats." When the gifts and the pampering stops or delays, we turn away to find find something else to treat ourself with. Later that evening I was reading to Madelyn and we were about to have our evening prayers. I asked her, "Madelyn, do you love Jesus?" She replied, "I love Ice Cream..."

Here are some things my girls have reminded me of:

1. Forgive. Over and over. It's Christ-like. 

2. Lunge after God, my Father. Desire Him. He will comfort me and care for me.

3. Every gift comes from the Father.

4. He provides the treats of life. I don't need to seek them out.

5. I really love the Lord. A lot. He is so amazing. I know I belong to Him and that He is crazy in love with me.

6. After the Lord, my family is the most important thing in the world. I refuse to lose sight of that again. If any of my "friends" notice it happening, I expect a slap in the head.

7. I still think Chocolate and Cookies & Cream are my favorite ice cream flavors.