Intentional Parenting

I have written before about how much I have learned from being a father. Each day I am challenged with lessons of love, discipline, joy, anger, selfishness, and humility. I try my best to cherish each day with my family and decipher these lessons so I can apply them to my life. I trust, if you are a parent, you do the same thing. If you are not a parent, you should still reflect on your days and attempt to grow as a result.

My kids continue to amaze me by how much they know, observe, and grow. I often seem to slip into cruise control as a parent though. By that, I mean, I tend to think that I will deal with all of the important stuff as it comes along. I mean, they are just 5, 3, and 1, how much can they really learn anyway? Eventually, when the time is right, I will teach them what they need to know. Maybe they will just see how I do things and learn it that way. (which is important). They will turn out ok, great even. I will get to it.

You ever have one of those moments? You know, where you get smacked in the face? You realize "things?" Some call it a wake-up call. We see it in sports a lot. The team has been coasting and now they are losing. They realize it, get their game faces on, man up and start taking their assignments and responsibilities seriously. They pull it out and win the game. The result is good, but their effort was poor for the majority of the game. Well, who cares as long as the result is a win? The coach does. He has to consider the efforts for future performances and game trials.

It is the same way with our walk, responsibilities, parenting, and marriages. We can not be satisfied with just barely squeaking out a win. We need to be intentional in our families lives. We have an enemy, the devil, who is aiming for our family units. Trust me, I know.

I had another one of "those moments" last night. Madelyn, our oldest daughter, is in k5 at Brainerd Baptist School. (and we love the school...here is the website www.brainerdbaptistschool.org, you should check it out. shameless plug I know. Oh, if you send your kid there, tell them I referred ya, it will help my tuition :) ) We are completely sold-out on the philosophy and ministry of the school. The staff and the teachers see it as a ministry. Each week, Madelyn has homework. In k5. Yep, you heard me. Anyway, since I cannot change this, we choose to embrace this.

Last week, Madelyn comes home and says she has to memorize Psalm 100 for chapel in a few weeks. I blew it off and was going to talk to her teacher to see what this was about. When I asked, it was confirmed. They are memorizing Psalm 100. Kinda cute I thought. I'm sure they won't get it, but it will be adorable anyway.

As I read our weekly note home, I saw the reminder about Psalm 100. As I opened her homework folder (yeah, again, homework...in k5...) there was a page with Psalm 100 printed out. I set it to the side as we did her other two sheets of homework. I thought, well, I will read over it with her later tonight.

Little did I know that they were working on it everyday in their class. I should have known, but this was one of those cruise control moments. I mean, come on, is a five year old really gonna memorize five consecutive verses? Its cool to memorize a partial verse or two for Awana or Sunday school, but there is no way she can memorize a five verse chapter word for word, right? When she is older we will do that, and she will be just fine.

It was bedtime last night and I was helping Casey get her pajamas on. Sue was helping Madelyn with her verses. I though to myself, how cute. Maybe she will get a little bit of it. Madelyn comes into the room, "Daddy, do you wanna hear my verses of Psalm 100?" I responded, "Sure sweety, let me see the sheet, and we will read it together." She quickly said, "No daddy, you hold the sheet, and I'll stand over here and say it." Ok, I thought, this will be fun, I will help her with all the words. Then I got slapped in the face. My wake up call...

Madelyn then says, " Psalm 100. Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth! Serve (she opens and extends her hands) the Lord with gladness! Come into His presence with singing! Know that The Lord, He is God. It is He who made us, Not we ourselves (she pats her chest.) and we are His, we are his people, and the sheep of His pasture. Enter (she motions with her hands as an invitation) His gates with thanksgiving, and enter His courts with praise! Give thanks to Him and bless His name.....I still need to learn verse 5 daddy. How did I do, daddy?" .....yeah, I was speechless too. Incredible! I had tears rolling down my face. So simple. My five year old daughter is one verse away from memorizing a chapter of God's holy Word. Better than me....

While I am so grateful for a school that is emphasizing this, it was a serious wake-up call to me. What am I valuing at home, and what do they see that I value? I guarantee that I will be helping her with the last verse.

There is no time for us to be cruise control parents. They are learning from every source possible. Question is, will we be intentional about what they learn and the culture and value system they inherit? I know I will.

As parents, lets raise the bar and invest and instill into our kids! Even though they are young, we have to teach them. Then, when they encounter "those moments and issues" later in life, maybe they'll be prepared to tackle it, rather than having to learn it at that point.

Lets be parents that drive, not just coast on cruise. And, let's be followers of Christ that drive.

As I walk forward...

It is amazing what time can do for healing. It doesn't hurt to have The Creator of the world and The Judge of mankind declare you forgiven either! The journey over the last 2 years and 9 months has been rewarding, tough, but good. I have learned, re-learned, and am learning so much about God, grace, forgiveness, shame, guilt, being loved, and being an heir with God. To say there have been ups and downs would be an understatement, however, I am thankful for Sue, my family, and several friends who have embraced and walked with me in this. I face each day with the thought of wishing I could change the past, a realization that I cannot, and a determination to walk forward and serve God and Sue. Am I perfect in this? No. Somedays I am stuck in a horrible rut of guilt and shame. This serves no purpose but to deter me from my relationship with God and Sue. As a result, I am going to continue to walk forward with a determination and zeal to allow God to live in and through me to accomplish His purpose for His kingdom and my marriage.

Along with this, daily I am crippled with the thought of missing ministry. I loved my education in Bible college and Seminary. I cherish the three churches that I have had the pleasure to serve on staff with. Somedays though, I can not think straight because I miss it so much. I miss ministering to people, studying, teaching, and pushing people to be disciples of Christ. However, Satan has lied to me. I have lied to myself. I have come to believe that I can't minister or encourage people because I am not on staff somewhere, or receiving a paycheck for it. Huh? That is a lie and completely unbiblical. As I was talking to Sue about this again this past weekend, she pointed out the fact that I have had chances to serve at our church with playing drums, VBS, playing drums, Awana, playing drums, writing curriculum, playing drums, teaching Sunday school on a few occasions, playing drums, being a small group leader with Sue, and last but not least, playing drums. (ok, Sue didn't emphasize playing the drums that much.) Wow, as we talked about it, I realized that God is using me and it is awesome. I am so thankful to God for His grace and mercy.

I am reminded of when Peter was confronted by Jesus after His resurrection. Jesus asked Peter if he loved Him. You know the story, He asked this question to Peter three times. On the last occasion, Peter finally gave in. He confessed his total love and affection for the Lord. The Lord told him to then feed His sheep. I feel like over the last two plus years that I have been in the same boat as Peter. I failed, but I totally love Him. I am also resolved that He loves me and wants to use me to help and minister to people. What that looks like, I don't know. Will I be on a church staff one day again? I don't know. I would love it, but I want God to use me now. I am giving Him my all.

As I prayed through this this week, I know God is wanting me to study and write again. I was planning on writing and saving them for the day that I could use them to teach. I brought this before my discipleship group last night, and one person suggested that as I study and write, to post on here for people to read. He said that if God gave me something, it may encourage people. I told Sue about it today, and, as always, was completely supportive and excited. She is still my biggest fan. So, as I study and write, I will be posting on here. I hope you are encouraged, challenged, and motivated to be a better disciple of our sweet and precious Savior. If you don't like it and I get put in one of your lists on the new Facebook that you don't read, your "trash" circle on google+, or you ignore my tweets, that's ok. I will cope.

To my family and friends who walked with me and who have not given up on me, thank you. Thank you. Thank you (still seems inadequate). I love you.

Day 6- Why did I take them to the beach?

I took the girls to the beach yesterday.

I hate the beach. Hate. The. Beach. Don't get me wrong, I love the sun and being outside, however, I hate salt water, sand everywhere, and no shade. I hate being hot and sweaty with no reprieve. I hate that the sand gets a thousand degrees. I hate when the wind blows your hat off. I hate 70 year old men wearing, well, I'll spare you. Its just isn't right. I hate when my feet get wet and sand sticks to me. I hate sand in the car and in the car seats. I hate making 40 trips to the water with 4 buckets to get water for the sand castle/tossed sand salad. I hate carrying all the bags, coolers, chairs, and whatever else is needed for our sand fest. I hate taking 47 minutes to put sunscreen all over squirmy kids.

I like pictures of the beach. I like walking on the side walk/boardwalk next to the beach. I like a hotel room that opens up to the beach. I am even ok with a quick, very quick, stroll on the beach during the sunset with Sue. But I hate being on the beach.

My kids love the beach. Love. The. Beach. They love to run on it, lay on it, sit on it, build on it, and bury me on it. They love to throw sand, scoop sand, eat chips with sand on their hand. They also will not let one chip go to waste. If that chip falls on the sand, there is a 30 second rule, unless I am quick enough to stop it.They love to put sand in the beach bag and in the cooler. They love to put sand on the beach towel and stand on the beach chair and get sand all over it. And why would it be necessary to wipe your hands before grabbing the top of the water bottle? I mean, why not have some sand with that refreshing Aquafina? They think its fun to throw sand on me. They think its fun to pour all four buckets of water on the attempted sand castle before I tell them to pour. Casey even thinks that it is fun to pour water on her face. Yay!

I said all of that because yesterday, Sue started her conference and I was trying to figure out something to do with the kids. Then I had to do it. I opened my enormous mouth. "Girls, you wanna go to the beach?" I couldn't stop myself. It was like seeing something happening that you just cant stop. Even in the course of the sentence I had a discussion with my self in my head.

(disclaimer, I do not have multiple personalities regardless of what Sue says)

Me: what are you thinking?

Other me: think of the girls pretty smile as they laugh and play.

Me: you know it's really hot outside and it will be crowded, right?

Other me: Think of the fun playing with them.

Me: You know there's sand there, right? Like a lot of sand. You hate sand. Read the paragraph above.

Other me: yeah, I know, I was there when you wrote it, but, you get to do something with your kids today. There are people all over the world who would kill for a few minutes with their kids or loved ones. God has given you the opportunity to be with your kids everyday. Cherish it. Today you can take them and play with them, and dream with them, and imagine with them, carry them when they are tired of walking in the sand, wipe their hands and faces as they get sand all over them. You can make memories today, and no matter what ever happens, no one can take those memories away from you.

Me: you're right, lets go to the beach!

I took the girls to the beach yesterday. There is a beach in my car right now, but the girls loved it. I loved it. We even talked about God making it. Madelyn even posed the question, "Daddy, you think God ever comes down and walks on the beach?" I responded, "Honey, He was right there with us today."

I took the girls t the beach yesterday.

I think Sue wants to go tonight with the girls...lucky me!

Day 5- A history lesson in Tampa

Today we traveled from Orlando to Tampa. Before we left this morning we had to visit downtown disney. We also found a great gluten-free friendly place eat. Sue has her conference for the next few days while I play at the pool and the beach with the girls. Today after arriving here at the Doubletree hotel in Tampa, we went to the pool until our room was clean. Then we went out to dinner with Dr. Winters (one of Sue's partners at the office)and his wife. He grew up here in Tampa and wanted to take us to this authentic Cuban restaurant, so we went to The Columbian in Ybor city, a little village in Tampa. Here is a link to their website, www.columbiarestaurant.com. It was incredible. built in 1905 and with obvious Cuban Influence, it was beautiful. During dinner a show broke out that involved traditional dances from Cuba. It reminded me of something you would see in a movie, or something from Cuba (pun intended). It was cool. Madelyn and Casey loved it!

After dinner we drove around and heard stories of how Dr. Winters grew up. We also heard the story about how the hospital here in Tampa was the first hospital to amputate the wrong leg one a patient, prompting the common practice today of righting NO on the lego.

Anyhow, not a bad day today. Again, it is a blessing everyday that I get to be with Sue and the girls.

Day 4- Lazy!

You ever go on vacation and are so busy you just want a day to do nothing? Well, that was our day. We got up and made breakfast here in the condo and then ventured out for a walk to see the grounds of the resort. It is a very nice place with 5 outdoor pools that include 2 lazy rivers, a few slides, and a couple child areas. There is also a playground, a miniature golf course, a beach volleyball pit, shuffleboard, private cabanas, and a few picnic areas to grill. There are 8 hotel towers that circle a huge pond. It was funny to see all of the pushy time-share sales representatives giving tours and being so delightful. Funny thing is, once they looked at us, it was as if they knew we ditched our tour and have zero interest in buying anything. You would think we caused the stock market to crash and stole their cheese too. Anyhow, it is a beautiful resort.

Not much to report today though. We went to the pool around 10 and stayed there until 3:30. Sue and emma Kate were back and forth from the room a few times to feed. There was another parent who did not care to go back to her room to breast feed her baby. Yup, right there in the kiddy area. Um, can I get you a blanket or anything? We went back to the room and ordered pizza for dinner. We searched for some gluten-free places but we did not really see anything. Thanks to some twitter and facebook friends, we found a place! After dinner we went back to the pool and had the entire kid area to ourself! Now the kids are in bed and we will start to pack a little. Tomorrow we head to Tampa for 4 days.

It has been great to get away and be with the family. Tonight as I was putting Madelyn to bed I asked her what has been her favorite part of the trip so far. She said she loved the pool and the Magic kingdom, and being with her family. She said she did not love the magic kingdom, or the pool, or anything more than God. "I love God the most and more than anything," were her exact words. I'm speechless. Madelyn started talking to Sue tonight about asking Jesus to take away her sins, but that she wanted to wait because she is afraid to go under water. How precious! I'm so grateful for the time with my 4 girls!

Day 3 of vacation...The Real Magic Kingdom, Please stand up, please stand up...

I woke to the smell of coffee and Emma Kate cooing next to me on the bed. Sounds of laughter and giggling coming from the living room. Madelyn and Casey were eating cereal and watching cartoons. I looked at the clock and knew we needed to get going if we were going to get to Disney early. Long story short...after a two trips to the Disney ticket counter here at the resort, a phone call to cancel my lost credit card, then finding the credit card while on the phone with my bank, and finally catching the bus and the ferry, we arrived at the magic kingdom. Sue and I were so excited to surprise the girls. I think we were expecting a 9 yr old girl reaction to Justin Beiber, however, we got a different reaction. Madelyn was immediately scared of the fired works which wouldn't go off until late that night, and Casey wanted to go back and go to the lazy river. After a few short minutes, and some detailed explanation of the day by Sue, the girls were excited.

We started off riding the Tea cups and Dumbo. We then met up with our friends Ryan and Martha, and their two sons. We had a blast on It's a small world after all. We watched the parade, had dinner with Tigger & Pooh and friends, waited in line to see the princesses, rode the magic carpets and then came back to the resort. There were long lines, lots of walking, and lots of smiles. The girls loved it! It was amazing to be with Sue and the girls today. Nothing in the world is better. Now that the girls being in bed, and the late night pizza has been delivered, it feels like a regular night...Sue and I together hanging out. Sue is cuddled up in a blanket, asleep of course. The world is right and I am a happy man! Happier than ever! God is too good to me.

I think they wrongly named it The Magic Kingdom. I mean, is it really that magical to have people run into you, cut you off, not watch where they are going, and run into the stroller? Would it be that magical for a 5 foot 8 inch orange (its not really red) haired man go nuts on someone for not watching where they walked? I didn't, but it was real, real close! I am not a believer in magic, but I think the real Magic Kingdom is the one where people who enter are the ones who accept the free sacrifice and payments by Jesus for our sins. We do not deserve entrance, yet we receive it at no cast to us. The payment was paid by Jesus on the cross! As believers in Jesus, we belong to the Kingdom of God and will one day be in the heavenly city for all of eternity. That is when our real dreams will come true. To be able to spend eternity in heaven is an amazing thought! If we get so excited about going to a man made place, even with all of it's beauty, why do we not get excited about heaven, the real Magic Kingdom?

I do not intend for any of this post to discredit how much fun Disney is, or even how much fun we had today, simply to compare. It was priceless to see the smile on my girls faces as they met the princesses, or rode up and down on dumbo, or spun around really fast (see flip video tomorrow). My girls are worth it, and so are you and I! That is why Jesus died, to offer you and I abundant and eternal life!

Vacation March 2011-Day 2

The day started off painful. I ended up sleeping on the hotel's pullout sofa bed. My back still feels like a pretzel. The day seemed to worsen as I left to go get starbuck's, and I stood and waited for the elevator. And waited. And waited. And waited. I was furious! Come on! I was thinking of other people holding the doors open on another floor for their elderly Grandfather or a wandering child. Do these people not know I desperately need to get some caffeine before I snap? Oh, wait...I forgot to push the button. Nice. And guess what? The elevator was on my floor. Hilarious. As I made the coffee run, I stopped by McDonalds to get some breakfast for us. The ladyworking the drive through had a graphic hoodie on that said, "Welcome to sonic..America's drive thru." Seriously?

It was nice to see Sherah for the night and morning...but on we must go. More traveling! As we left for Orlando the trip was only 162 miles from where we stayed. It took a lot longer than I thought. As we left, it was like a magnetic force that kept pulling on me. We inched along, and as we did, the pull got stronger, and stronger. We went for miles and it felt like the magnetic pull in the middle of the island. Watch Lost for explanation. Then I saw it.. the force that was so powerful....The University of Florida...next exit. I looked at Sue, who was on the phone, with the eyes of a kid in need of a new leg just to walk. She smiled and condoned. We pulled off the exit and slowly approached Ben Hill Griffin Stadium. Otherwise known as the swamp. It was really cool. We were able to walk right in and go right down to field level. There was a gate open to the field and I was tempted to go onto the field, but didn't. I mean, legends such as Emmitt Smith and Tim Tebow warred and battled on that field. Anyway...enough of the drawn out stuff...we stopped and saw the Swamp. I attached a few pics. Pretty cool.

We checked in today at the Bonnet Creek resort by Wyndham. Awesome place. Our condo has two bedrooms and two baths, living room, dining room, and full kitchen. We went to the pool and the lazy river this afternoon, and the girls loved it. Emma Kate just kinda looked around wondering what all the fuss was about. I couldn't pull Madelyn and Casey out of the water, but Sue and I were like Chris Farley in that SNL skit where they are in the diner and he says, "leave me alone, I'm starving." So we went to eat at a cool little Italian Place. The staff thought we had the cutest and most beautiful girls, which we do. They even came and took pictures. I thought to myself, "Wow, this is a great staff." Eh, as we were leaving and in the parking lot, the lady who took the pics came running out and wanting to sell me packages of the pictures. One was really cute, so Sue gave me the eyes like I gave her earlier today. So we are the proud owners of a framed 5x7, 2 wallets, and a souvenir key chain of Casey grabbing two handfuls of her pasta and smiling.

After a short trip to Publix, and a visit from security because we called in a noise complaint, the girls are fast asleep with no clue that tomorrow we are taking them to the magic kingdom. Not to be out done by Mickey, Sue read the first three chapters of the book of Esther to the girls before bed time. It was sweet. I cant wait until tomorrow night as we explain to them how God brought Esther to the kingdom for a very specific reason, and that God's kingdom is way more awesome than the magic one.

Spring Vacation 2011

We left for Florida today for a week of vacation and are really excited to get away and spend some isolated time with the girls. We left this morning at 8 AM and, true to form, we stopped twice before Atlanta. Breakfast and the potty are extremely important, right? The girls have no idea that we are going to spend a day or two at Disney world, and are sure to be urprised when we get there. The trip was long and the girls were sooooooooooo loud in the car, and since I can handle stress so well....

We have 4 total surprises for the girls, 2 we gave them today. We stopped in Macon, Ga to see our friend and the girls former babysitter, Amy! The girls had a blast and we were able to catch up. Tonight, Aunt Sherah drove over from Pensacola to spend the evening with us. Although her and Sue ditched us after dinner and went shopping.....

We are staying in Lake City, Fl tonight and are leaving for Orlando tomorrow morning. We will be there for 3 nights, then go to Tampa for 4 nights. Sue has a conference to attend, and I will be hanging with the girls. I'm thinking we will head for Clearwater Beach! Sue informed me today that as a part of her conference, there is a chance we could throw out the first pitch at a Yankees pre-season game as a part of a fund-raiser. We have no clue what the required fund is, but if I have the opportunity, I will represent the Orioles and give Jeter & Arod some chin music!

Sue has been working hard and so much, we are really looking forward to just getting away and relaxing. We are enjoying time with Sherah right now. What a great reminder that family is the most important thing, whether on vacation or not. Madelyn has taken time to thank us for "the best vacation ever" throughout the day. It makes me laugh because she says it at everything. For example, we went through McDonalds drive through and bought her eggs and bacon. She replied, "Daddy, I love you, this is the best vacation ever." I laughed but also cherished her pure and sincere little heart. I thought to myself, Madelyn, just wait until we get on the ferry to go to the magic kingdom.

Well, for those interested, I will be blogging a little throughout our vacation, as well as tweeting.

Stay at home dad

My last day of work at the Hotel was December 30th. It was nice to clock out and leave work behind. Now, at my new job, I cant seem to find the time clock and am unable to clock out! As you may or may not know, I am now a stay at home dad. My position at the hotel was scheduled to be eliminated in March, and with the cost of daycare and having to put Emma, our 4 month old in daycare, it made more sense for us for me to stay at home. More importantly, we really felt led by God for me to stay at home. To sum up how I feel about it, well, I absolutely love it! I get to be with my kids everyday and am able to accomplish things around the house. I am able to serve at our church a little more too.

God has been more than gracious to me, and He really does heal and repair lives. I am a huge believer in restoration. Restoration is hard and some people shy away from it. It has been, and will continue to be, a long, hard, yet rewarding journey. I have come to realize that if I cant disciple and serve my wife and kids, how can I ever be entrusted to do it again outside my family. I pray that God uses me to love, serve and disciple Sue and the girls.

Being at home has opened my eyes to a few things that are quite humorous:

1. The kids CONSTANTLY need something!

2. The baby will poop/barf right when you are trying to get out the door.

3. The kids can reach the threshold of pain decibel level in a matter of 1.6 seconds.

4. Just when you think you have a quiet moment.....

5. 2 year olds are amazing climbers, nay, fearless climbers.

6. Screaming at your kids, "hold on, I"M TRYING TO DO MY QUIET TIME," is counter-productive.

7. A 4 month old's head control is deceptive....it's not quite fully developed yet...

8. Why do I even get the paint out....?

9. My discipleship group loves making jokes that I should join a "moms support group."

10. Being the only dad to drop your kid off at parents day out welcomes all kinds of stares, and comments.

11. NIck Jr. has an awesome daily line up of tv shows. (so does the dvr).

12. Madelyn trying to do p90x with me makes me laugh and fall on my face while trying to do a push up.

13. My mother in law doesn't think I am serious about dropping them off every Friday so I can go play golf.

14. My father in law has become my go to, "help, I need (____________)."

15. I am a pushover...who doesn't love chips and cookies all day?

While it is humorous, it is also rewarding. I hear people say all the time they wish they could go back and have more time with their kids while they were young, well, I am trying to take full advantage of the time I have with them. I pray everyday that I can model a Christ and take time to talk to the girls about the Lord. Mostly, I pray that they see it in my life that they want to emulate it.

I know how I feel as a Father being with my kids all day, and I see them being more affectionate to me, that I can only imagine how God the Father must feel when we spend time with Him, and how we can become more affectionate to Him!