My hand in His

Our Christmas break this year has been great. Sue and I both have ten days off! We had a beautiful Christmas eve dinner and time of opening presents at Nana & Papa's (Sue's mom and dad's). Madelyn joyfully opened up her annual gift from Papa; a tub of cheese balls which the whole family enjoys! Later that night after Madelyn and Casey were asleep I had the luxury of assembling "The Doll House" that Santa was bringing Madelyn. If I ever meet the real Santa, I am gonna ask him why he can't put the presents together too. Bum.

Casey rose early on Christmas morning and Sue and I played with her until Madelyn woke up. They loved all the gifts! The living room looked like the wrapping paper aisle blew up. Toy and game parts were flying as boxes were being opened. I couldn't help but sit back and cherish every second of it. How things change in a year! God has been so good to me and the family. I sat there and shuttered at the thought that I almost lost all of it. However, I didn't by the grace of God!

Saturday after Christmas day we traveled to West Virginia to see Sue's family. Grandma Casey had her 85th birthday party on Saturday and Sue's Uncle has cancer. It was a great time to be with all the family. We were even able to squeeze in "The Squeakal." Madelyn loved it and loved sitting with her little cousin Savannah.

On Sunday afternoon was probably one of the sweetest times I have had with Casey. She was so tired! She was like a little pinball running and slamming into things and people. As she was walking she would just give up and dive on the floor and take a 20 second retreat and then go back at it. I scooped her up and took her to the bedroom at laid down with her. It took a minute to get the bucking bronco to settle down for her nap. As she started to relax, she slid her hand in mine and gazed up at me with her gorgeous eyes. She looked at me with complete comfort and trust. She put her fingers between mine and laid her head on my shoulder as we turned on the pillow and she fell asleep. I tried to pull my hand away and as I did she tightened her grip. She was most secure. It made me think, do I grab my Father's hand and rest solely on Him? Do I gaze at Him or am I easily distracted? Do I rest in Him or do I remain in turmoil and worry?

It is way better when we grab His hand, gaze at Him, and lay our complete trust and security in Him.

What a day!!

Madelyn had her tonsils taken out this morning. They were HUGE! Sue and I were nervous because last October Madelyn had tubes put in her ears and her adenoids removed. She had a difficult time as she woke up from the anesthetic becoming extremely disoriented and hysterical. It was heart breaking. We were anxious to say the least.

The morning started early as I woke up at 4:45, fifteen minutes before the alarm was set. As I got ready I was praying that God would allow Madelyn to do well this time. Sue and I got her up and collected all the things we anticipated needing. With the amount of stuff we took, one might have mistaken it for a three day getaway. Instead, it was a six hour whirlwind trip to the hospital. As we arrived to register, Madelyn made full use of the play area. She took over and was LOUD!!! There was another child there who stared at Madelyn cautiously and chose to stay in the comfort of his moms arms. Our name was called and we went back to the holding room. The tech then entered and needed some blood from Madelyn. She did fine, but I about lost it. Let's just say I hate needles.

The best part was when they gave Madelyn what I call, "the goofy juice." The medicine to take them through the wardrobe into another land. Madelyn burst through that door into the land of loopy very quickly. I tried to help her walk to the sink and it felt as though she was more drunk than the bozo in the cheap seats at (insert your team stadium cheap seat section). We then took Madelyn to the pre-op room where she completely lost control of her head. She laughed a lot and told us that Boots the monkey, Dora's sidekick, was tickling her. Next thing we know, we were answering the same set of questions for the fifth time. Next time I am gonna print out all of the important information and hand it out. She last ate at 7:45 last night. No she hasn't had anything to drink this morning, and yes, she is allergic to penicillin. They took Madelyn off and Sue and I went back to our room, looked at each other, embraced and prayed for our little angel.

I know it's just a tonsillectomy, but there is always that little feeling in your gut when it's your kid.

Now the moment we had been needing. STARBUCKS!!!! I ran down to the elevator and eagerly anticipated the white mocha with hazelnut. I was quickly captured by the Chic-fil-a express. I made it back to the room, set up my OCD perfect environment for devouring my food, and the phone rang. For a second, as I answered the phone and the voice on the other end declared, "this is Dr. Barnes," I was scared. Did something go wrong? Is she ok? Did they mistake her for the right leg amputation procedure? "Yes," I replied. "I am done, Madelyn did great. She will be heading to recovery soon," Dr. Barnes announced. What a relief. Dr. Barnes later told us that the tonsils were each bigger than a quarter, were touching in the back of her throat, and that it made him wonder how she could eat, sleep, or even breathe. (See picture on my twitter link)

Madelyn recovered well and regained her rare form screaming for and demanding a popsicle, then another one. And then another. She made it home and quickly found herself in time-out twice in thirty minutes. That's my girl.

I was reminded again today of The Father's love and concern for His kids. He loves me, O how He loves me.

Thank you for all who prayed today. All the prayers and comments mean a lot to Sue and me.

Messes can be cleaned up. Thankfully!

I love all the toys we have and games we play with Madelyn and Casey. Madelyn's imagination is fascinating. One minute we can be rescuing animals, the next having tea with the queen, and finally making blueberry soup on a rainy afternoon. (We haven't quite perfected the recipe yet but we are diligently working on it.) Casey on the other hand is content with a soggy piece of bread but seems to prefer electronics. She especially loves all my gadgets like the computer, my cell phone, and the remote.

My girls continue to be the best educator in my life. One day last week Madelyn and I were playing in her room. We were working in the flower garden to be more specific. I had a drink in the room with me that I put on her dresser. I failed to realize that I put it right next to the "seeds" we would eventually need. As Madelyn went charging after the seeds she knocked the glass over and my drink spilled all over the dresser, her, and the carpet. She panicked, jumped back, and full of fear she said, "Daddy, I am so sorry. I'm so sorry Daddy, please don't be mad." She got me! As soon as we locked eyes and I heard her sweet, pitiful, and sorry words, I was moved with compassion as I realized the angst she was living, and I said, "Sweetheart, messes can easily be cleaned up. It was just an accident. I love you, Daddy isn't mad at you. Let me clean this up and we can keep playing." Immediately my heart was pricked and I started crying as I imagined how our Heavenly Father feels when we realize what we have done and we cry out to Him.

It really is something to think how we can run so far from God or destroy our lives, or other people's lives for that matter, and with one cry to our amazing God, He cleans up that mess instantly. While there are consequences and effects of our decisions and sin, God will and does cleanse and restore. I promise. I am living proof. This morning on the tenth floor of a hotel in midtown Atlanta while Sue was on the computer, the girls watching Mickey Mouse clubhouse, and me reading my Bible, Sue's sweet voice stopped my world as she said, "Mark, I love you." We had that look and the conversation without words and we knew that although we have been through so much that we are in the Master's hands. Then Casey dumped her little crackers on the floor and crushed them in the carpet. Time to clean up another mess. Good thing the Lord is always there to keep cleaning up ours...

Lessons from my girls...and Ice Cream

My girls teach me so much about my relationship with my Father in Heaven. It seems like the knowledge I stored in my head about Him is attacking my heart,  and the main arsenal is my family. Starting with Sue- how much more awesome can you get? She loves me unconditionally Wow, what else can I say? Then Madelyn, who one minute loves me, then mommy, then James, next her baby, her playground, her rabbit, and ice cream. Lastly, Casey, who goes crazy in her bouncy seat- pogo style when I come home. When I walk through the room she whips her head around and follows me with those deep gorgeous eyes. It's really funny when this happens while Sue is trying to feed her.

The other day was a special day as I went through another course in grace and instruction. I came home from work and Casey was on the floor and started lunging towards me causing her to fall flat on her face since she is still learning  to crawl. Madelyn jumped out from behind the chair yelling, "surprise." She loves to do this when anyone enters the house. She came running towards me jabbering about the days events which I am still trying to decode. Casey reached for me drooling, wanting me to pick her up. It was pretty special to see my kids loving me and desiring to be with me, simply because I am their father. I wonder how God feels when we run with excitement into His presence? I know I was completely overwhelmed.

 

Madelyn then came to me with the football and said that she wanted to go to the backyard and throw the football. I was pumped! We yelled "Go Gators" and "TEBOW" all the way to the backyard. All that came to an abrupt stop and I found myself twirling and chanting with her, "SWIPER NO SWIPING, SWIPER NO SWIPING, SWIPER NO SWIPIIIIIIIIIING!!!!!" My dreams of fathering the female Tebow came to a crashing halt. 

 

Later in the evening Madelyn and I were craving ice cream. I am pretty sure it was more Madelyn?!?!? So we loaded up to go to Baskin Robins. Madelyn was so appreciative, sweet, and loving. We walked in and Madelyn blurted out angelically to the attendant who was with another customer, "I WANT A STRAWBERRY ICE CREAM CONE!!!!" She stole the show and knew she was adored by everyone in the store. We ate and "talked" and laughed. She stopped licking her heaven on a cone, grabbed my hand  and said,  "thank you daddy, I love you." It was so sweet. We gobbled up both delicious cones. Then, something strange happened. As the special strawberry treat disappeared, so did my angelic daughter. She wanted more ice cream right now! She was now screaming, "I want chocolate." I was amazed. I told her we needed to leave. Suddenly, she did not "love" me anymore. I was the evil one himself. Right then, I realized, our relationship with the Lord is usually ok if He is pacifying us with life "treats." When the gifts and the pampering stops or delays, we turn away to find find something else to treat ourself with. Later that evening I was reading to Madelyn and we were about to have our evening prayers. I asked her, "Madelyn, do you love Jesus?" She replied, "I love Ice Cream..."

Here are some things my girls have reminded me of:

1. Forgive. Over and over. It's Christ-like. 

2. Lunge after God, my Father. Desire Him. He will comfort me and care for me.

3. Every gift comes from the Father.

4. He provides the treats of life. I don't need to seek them out.

5. I really love the Lord. A lot. He is so amazing. I know I belong to Him and that He is crazy in love with me.

6. After the Lord, my family is the most important thing in the world. I refuse to lose sight of that again. If any of my "friends" notice it happening, I expect a slap in the head.

7. I still think Chocolate and Cookies & Cream are my favorite ice cream flavors.

Run the Race

In high school I ran cross country. The object in any race was to stay on the course and finish the race. We would train and prepare ourselves for various aspects of the race. Pace and obstacles were of high importance. We would familiarize ourselves with the course and rehearse in our minds our attack plan our coach had preached all week. We knew when we would attack hills, sprint in key areas of the course, relax while maintaining a race pace, be aware as the terrain changed back and forth, close in on the opposing teams, and of course finish strong. We were focused. Disciplined. Intense. Serious. 

I recall one race when two of our competitors were arguing and fighting for position on a tight trail in the woods. They stopped running and starting fighting and were disqualified. They were unable to finish the race. 

On a seperate occasion, one runner's leg was punctured by another guy's spike from his shoe. He finished the race despite being in immense pain. 

You may recall the 1992 Olympics in which Derrick Redmond was injured a little more than a quarter of the way through the race. He grimaced in pain on the track, but got up and starting limping and hobbling to the finish line. As he did, his father ran onto the track, grabbed his child and finished the race with him. His father was his strength and support.

In this race called life, we have a course to run. Sometimes, we fall down, get derailed, get caught up with ancillary things, or just quit. When we do, we have another choice; quit, try to run the race ourselves, or let the Father pick us up and carry us to the end. 

I got derailed. I chose sin and fell. I am so glad I have a heavenly Father that forgives, heals, and restores. I am going to continue to run my race and lean solely on The Lord. I have no strength on my own. I am relying totally on Him. I know I can still hear the words- Well done, you good and faithful servant! And- to have a wife that  immediately  forgave me and loves me is absolutely amazing. I love her so much. She is my picture of grace and forgiveness. I love her. She is my hero!